i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
