i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
