You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
