Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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