think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
