I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
