Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
