me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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