I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
