Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
