I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
