??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
