Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
