The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
