btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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