im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
