"it" just moved
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
