I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
