if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
