But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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