toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
