who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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