If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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