do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
