Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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