hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
