my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
