You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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