WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize