Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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