the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
