Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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