you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Randomize
