my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
