did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
