i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He better not be in your backpack
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
