I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
