Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
