sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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