dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
