Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
