so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize