we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Randomize
