got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
