he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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