Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
