My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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