Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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