everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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