just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
