so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
