I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
