She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
