I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
