Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
