She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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