I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
