She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize