I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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