i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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