At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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