There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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