why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
