that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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