If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
