Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
