So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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