Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
