dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
