Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize