A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
