I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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