If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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