Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
