Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
