Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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