I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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