D3 body, D1 cock
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
