So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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