If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize