im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
