i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
