i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
