He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
